6 Common Grief Lies We’ve All Been Told
Grief is already heavy. But it gets heavier when it’s surrounded by false beliefs — the kind that sound wise, but leave you more confused, more isolated, and even more ashamed for feeling what you feel.
At Beyond, we talk about the physical impact of grief — but we also unlearn the mental myths that keep us stuck.
Here are six of the most common lies grief teaches us (or that the world teaches us about grief) — and why they need to go.
1. “Time heals all wounds.”
Time alone doesn’t heal anything. It’s what you do within that time that matters.
We’ve met people who waited 10, 15, even 30 years — and never felt any better. Because waiting isn’t the same as grieving. And grieving isn’t passive.
Healing isn’t automatic. It requires movement. Even small ones. Especially small ones.
2. “You should grieve alone.”
This one is rarely said out loud. It’s implied in sentences like: “Give her space.” “He just needs time alone.” “She needs to be strong.”
And so we learn — from childhood — that sadness should be hidden. That tears are private. That grief is shameful.
But the truth is, grief was never meant to be a solo act. You don’t need to isolate to feel. You don’t need to disappear to process. You don’t need silence to prove you’re strong.
3. “Be strong.”
Usually said with good intentions: “You have to be strong for your kids.” “Be strong for your parents.” “Stay strong.”
But what does “strong” mean here? Not crying? Not expressing? Not feeling?
Grievers aren’t robots. And strength doesn’t mean swallowing your pain to protect others. True strength is letting yourself feel it — and still showing up. Even if it’s messy.
4. “Don’t feel bad.”
This one hurts the most because it tries to make logic out of heartbreak. “Don’t feel bad — at least he’s not suffering anymore.” “Don’t feel bad — you had so many good years.”
Yes. Those things might be true. But they don’t cancel out the pain. Grief isn’t logical. It’s not a math problem with a clean solution. And being told not to feel bad just adds guilt on top of sorrow.
5. “Just replace the loss.”
A common one after breakups, pet loss, even divorce: “Let’s get you another dog.” “There are plenty of fish in the sea.”
The assumption is that your grief is about the absence. But grief is about the connection. And replacing one connection with another doesn’t process the pain — it postpones it.
You can love again. You can bond again. But not by skipping the grief in between.
6. “Just keep busy.”
Distraction works — for a while. Until one day you’re exhausted, burnt out, and the sadness is still right there, buried under your productivity.
Some people spend decades keeping busy — thinking if they just keep moving, grief won’t catch up.
But the body keeps score. And at some point, it whispers back: “You never gave me time to feel.”
Grief doesn’t go away when ignored. It waits. Until you’re ready. Until you stop. Until you listen.
There’s no right way to grieve. But there are a lot of wrong beliefs that can hold you back.
Let them go. You deserve to feel what’s true — not what others expect you to feel. And your grief deserves more than clichés.
Still grieving. Just Stronger.
I’m Rita, and I created Beyond after losing someone I loved deeply — and realizing my body was falling apart.
.. Doctors offered pills. Friends offered clichés.
.. But I needed something else.
So I studied the link between grief and the body — and I built this space to share everything I learned.
